Strolling around our campus, which was festooned with the voluptuous blooming of flowers, feeling the warm breeze brushing through my skin, I almost had the illusion that the snowstorm in the winter was just a nightmare. However, the incontrovertible accounts of lives it has taken, the roads it’s destroyed, the pain it’s caused will never be erased by the advent of spring. For me the truth I discovered during the storm is attributed to my labeling it as the worst storm in my lifetime.
Because of the unbearable cold, my cousin’s grandfather, who had just had an operation, was not being discharged for the whole winter holiday. Thus Yifan, my cousin, who was more of a nuisance than a hand to her parents at that time, was shoved off to my house. So much for being an only - child for 20 years, during which time the unintentional instillation of my possessiveness was completed. Besides, being energetic, active and witty, my cousin always gained the things easily what I had to fight hard for. Although “envy” was too strong a word to convey my feelings towards her, it was lurking in the depths of my mind, leering at me. Consequently, even the prospect of breathing the same air with her for a whole winter holiday gave me shudders.
However, when I went back to my hometown for Spring Festival, I was relieved somehow, thinking this was after all a time for celebration. We were all sitting around the table of our big family reunion dinner, chatting, laughing and eating. As I was ready to tuck away my sullen mood, I saw my aunt, and her sallow face. Although I had already known that she had breast cancer, seeing her sitting next to me still caused me to think. The lumps in my throat nearly choked me. I refused to admit that she was slipping away from my life, like an old photo fading away yet no matter how hard I tried to hold her my hands were helplessly clipped.
This was my worst storm for it had revealed the truth to me---- my inadequacy in love.
I love my aunt, yet as the knowledge of her cancer intensified my love for her, I realized that I had ignored her unconsciously when she was still healthy. I love my cousin, yet the imaginary competition with her thwarted my love and stultified my attitude towards her. The storm had thrown the truth in my face that I am inadequate in loving the people around me. And I am ashamed of it.
As the ferocious storm died down, my cousin’s grandfather was discharged from the hospital and my cousin left for her new term. I came to miss her, the inconvenienced caused by the storm actually made the communication between her and me more convenient. Furthermore, my aunt is like a shimmering candle, lightening shadows in my heart that neither idiotic shallow envy nor cancer can shield me away from them. I am thankful to the storm for showing me the truth about my inadequacy in love, for now my love for my family won’t be toppled even by the blitz attack of the storm.
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